我們家裡面有五個小孩子,大哥、大姐再來是我,然後是李昆霖,還一個最小的妹妹。那大 哥大姊幾乎不太跟我們玩在一起了,倒是我、李昆霖、還有妹妹,我們經常一起活動、一起玩耍。 而我跟李昆霖應該是從小,因為我們兩個只差了一歲嘛,所以真的是從小一起玩,但也一起吵架、 一起打架的兩個,也是家裡面五個小孩子中最調皮的兩個。所以我們小時候是被打的機會是最多, 那個已經沒有算次數了,因為經常被打。那小時候,我們三個呢常常一起玩,我們會一起玩辦家 家酒,一起玩過五關,還有一起去到處遊玩。最喜歡坐著我外公的牛車,然後隨便逛逛。喔對了, 我們三個最厲害的應該就是,從家裡面,然後走路到二空大姑姑家。我們的舊家就是在現在中華 路的一個圓環旁邊。我們會三個小孩子就是這樣,走啊走啊走好幾個小時到二空大姑姑家,然後 在那邊住一個晚上,隔天下午再走路回家。其實還蠻多次的喔,走了很多次,雖然很辛苦,但我 們樂此不疲,所以那個畫面至今難忘,二空的巷弄、二空大姑姑家的美食。

        家裡五個小孩,其實四個身高都不太怎麼樣,只有李昆霖特別高。為什麼這麼高,其實可能有一點點我媽媽的遺傳吧?但是更有可能就是,他從小就是好動。尤其在國中那一段時間,他很 喜歡去打球,經常就是穿著一雙拖鞋穿著一件汗衫就跑去打球了。我記得有一次還蠻可怕的,有 七、八個,說他們是不良少年嗎?有可能吧?就圍著他,就覺得:「啊你穿這樣子來打球喔,你 是不是很跩啊,怎麼樣的。」差點真的打起來。每次打完球回來,他就說自己很餓很餓,然後就 是自己很乖的,自己去下一大碗公的麵。然後呼嚕呼嚕,整碗麵就這樣吃完。這個應該也是他長 得這麼高大的一個其中一個原因吧!

李昆霖從小應該算很有藝術天分吧,他就是就隨便拿一張紙就可以塗塗畫畫,畫得有模有樣。 因為我們小時候很喜歡到田裡面去玩,田裡面可以撿到一些黏土,所以他經常就在田裡面,就開 始捏黏土了。我印像很深的就是,他曾經做過一個老伯伯推著一輛賣肉粽的車子的一個黏土作品, 真的,他每件作品都是栩栩如生。

        當時大專生都是考上大學之後,就是要到成功嶺三個月,所以那時候他也是跟別人一樣,就是到成功嶺訓練了三個月。然後訓練結束,他到火車站,是我去接他的。我那時候在想說李昆霖 怎麼一直都沒出現,真的想著的時候,突然身邊出現了一個高高瘦瘦、很帥氣的一個男生,我還 心想:「誰呀?」抬頭一看,那個帥氣的高高瘦瘦的男生竟然就是我的弟弟,就是李昆霖。太帥 了,那時候真是太帥、太帥了。

我讀大學的時候有一天呢,李昆霖就說:「來來來,我幫你畫一幅油畫。」他叫我當模特兒, 我還印象很深,我當時穿了一件七分褲,而且是粉紅色的,然後上衣是一件白底,粉紅色點點的 衣服。那時候我真的覺得蠻不耐煩,因為他畫好久好久才把那幅畫給畫完。另外還曾經幫我畫了一張素描,真的很棒很棒。我覺得生命中沒有讓他畫幾幅畫呢,真的是太遺憾了。而且我從沒想 過我弟弟竟然這麼早就走了,沒能夠幫我的中年老年再畫上一些畫。

        我們小時候,爸爸是在一家親戚開的旅社做工。那媽媽呢,就是幫人家改改衣服,來補貼家裡的一個開銷,所以其實小時候家境應該不算很好吧。到了高中的時候,我爸就開了一家雜貨店。 還好那時候他有開雜貨店,所以到我、李昆霖都讀大學的時候,還勉強可以支撐我們的一個學費 生活費。但其實說實在的,也有沒有那麼的充裕。李昆霖為了要,就是要讓爸媽這個負擔減輕一 點,他大學時候都還會去剪樹,就是幫人家剪樹。他曾經就是這樣子,拿著大剪刀,然後一剪就 是八個小時,賺一點點的這種生活費用,然後能夠讓他自己買一些畫紙顏料之類的。他是一個蠻 體貼的孩子,他真的就是不怕辛苦,經常會去兼差賺錢,然後讓父母的一個經濟壓力能夠減少一 些。李昆霖讀大學的時候,他為了要省房租,所以他就住在比較遙遠的陽明國小附近。不過那邊 真的滿棒的耶,因為很大很大。然後旁邊呢,還有種橘子,我還記得我曾經去他的宿舍那邊採橘 子,蠻有趣的。

        民國九十八年,應該是暑假吧。我記得是李昆霖帶著我的爸爸還有他的老婆、女兒到南投,也就是我住的鄉下玩。那時候真的蠻快樂的,他們待在這裡待了三天,我們一起吃火鍋、泡茶, 然 後聊天。還有一起去麒麟潭走一走,還去爬了山,那種感覺真的很棒。我心裡還在想,以後說不 定可以經常叫他們來玩。沒有...沒有機會了,因為在這一年李昆霖走了。

        李昆霖騎腳踏車曾經出過三次意外,第一次是國小的時候。那時我記得那個路真的很陡很陡,他又是屬於那種很愛冒險的。他就一直拼命的往前衝,最後摔倒了,那一次摔斷了門牙,就是蠻 難受的一件事。第二次,我記得是他高中的時候吧,也是騎腳踏車摔倒了。他回來的時候都不敢 跟我爸媽講,只敢跟我說。我還去買了雙氧水,死命的往他的手一直消毒。他都一直叫很痛很痛, 我說當然很痛啊!還是不管他就死命的幫他消毒,這是第二次。第三次就最哀傷的吧,就是奪走 他生命的一次,大家都不願想起來的一件事,但卻是永遠也忘不掉的一件事。

        李昆霖應該算是一個性情中人吧,他熱血,然後是一個有溫度的男人、男生。雖然上天真的是只給他短短的四十四年的生命,但我覺得他活得算有聲有色。人生這樣子應該算是值得了吧? 其實,李昆霖走了的時候...我一直覺得生命真的是無常的,我們也真的要懂得活在當下,珍惜所 有跟生命中重要的人一起共度生命中的每一天。

There were five children in our family. Big brother, big sister, me, Lee Kuen-Lin and then the youngest sister. Big Brother and sister usually didn’t play with us. However, Lee Kuen-Lin, our sister and I we often played and had many activities together. Lee Kuen-Lin and I were quite closed from childhood on... because we only have a two year difference. So we really played together and also quarreled together. The two of us who would fight. We were also the naughtiest out of the five children in the family. So when we were little, we were the children most likely to be beaten. It’s hard to count how many times we were because we were beaten too often. And when we were young the three of us often played together. We often played house together. And also used to play with dominoes and hung around together. We loved to take my grandpa’s ox cart the most and just strolled around.

 

Oh by the way, the thing we were the best at was probably walking from home to our big aunt's house. Our old home was next to the ring road of Zhonghua Road. We were like…walking and walking for three hours to visit our big aunt's house. Then we stayed there overnight. And the next day afternoon, we would walk back home. Actually, we did it quite a few times. We walked many times although it was very hard. We were happy and never got tired of it. So the image is still unforgettable. The alley and the food from our big aunt

 

There were five children in our family. Actually, four of us were not so tall. Only Lee Kuen-Lin was particularly tall. Why was he so tall? Maybe a little bit because of my mother's inheritance? But more likely was that he was very active since he was a child. Especially when he was in junior high school. He really liked to play basketball. He often wore a pair of slippers and sweatshirt, and then go to play basketball. I remember one time it was quite scary. There were seven or eight punks? Maybe? They just surrounded Lee Kuen-Lin and thought...“You wear this type of clothes to come play basketball? Are you very arrogant?” They were right about to hit him. Every time he came back home after playing basketball. He always said that he was very very hungry and then cleverly cooked a large bowl of noodles. Then slurped and slurped and finished the whole bowl of noodles. This should be also one of the reasons why he was so tall.

 

Lee Kuen-Lin had artistic talent since he was young. He just took a piece of paper and painted it and painted it really well. When we were young, we loved to play in the field. There was so much clay in the fields. So he often modeled with the clay of the fields. What impressed me the most was... he once made a clay work about an old uncle pushing a selling-meat-dumplings-car. Every piece of his works was really like life.

 

At that time, after being admitted into college, male students had to visit Chenk-Kung Hill for three months. So Lee Kuen-Lin was like everyone else. He was sent to Chenk-Kung Hill and trained for three months. After the training was over I went to the train station to pick him up. I was wondering why he didn’t show up. And while I was thinking. Suddenly, a tall, thin and handsome boy showed up. “Who is he?”, I thought. And I looked up. Oh, that handsome boy turned out to be my brother. Turned out to be Lee Kuen-Lin. So handsome. He was so so handsome at that time.

 

One day when I was in college Lee Kuen-Lin said, “Come, come, come, I will draw an oil painting for you!” He asked me to be his model. I am still very impressed. I wore acropped trousers. It was pink. The background of my top was white, and with pink dots on it. I felt very impatient at that time because he painted for so long before finishing the painting. He also drew me a sketch. It was awesome. I think didn't let him draw more paintings for me. I really regret it now. And I never thought that my younger brother would leave so early. He would not be able to paint me in my middle-aged, elderly times.

 

When we were young our dad worked in a relative's hotel and our mother modified people’s clothes to subsidize all expenses at home. So our financial status may not have been so good when we were little. When I was in high school my dad opened a grocery store. It was because he had the grocery store at that time. That when Lee Kuen-Lin and I went onto college they were still barely able to support our tuition and living expenses. But actually it was not so much. Lee Kuen-Lin wanted to reduce the burden of parents. So he went to cut leaves. I mean helping people to cut leaves. He held big scissors and cut for eight hours to earn a little bit of living expenses and brought some paper and pigment. He was a pretty considerate child not afraid of hard work and often went to make money to reduce our parents' economic pressure. When Lee Kuen-Lin was in college, he wanted to save on rent. So he lived near Yangming Elementary School, which was more distant from our college. But there was really a wonderful place. Because it was very very big and there was an orange tree next to the building. I still remember that I went to his dormitory to pick oranges. It was quite interesting.

 

It should be the summer vacation of the year 1989. I remember that Lee Kuen-Lin took our father, his wife and daughter and came to my villa in Nantou. It was really happy time. They stayed here for three days. We ate hot pot, drank tea and chatted together. Went to Qilintan to take a walk and also climbed the mountain. The feeling was really great. I was thinking that that we could come there later more often. But there was no chance because Lee Kuen-Lin left that year.

 

Lee Kuen-Lin had three bicycle accidents. The first time was in elementary school. I remember that the road was really steep. And he liked to be adventurous. So he kept rushing forward. And finally, he fell and broke his front teeth at that time. It was quite uncomfortable. The second time, I remember was when he was in high school. He also fell from a bicycle. When he came back, he didn’t dare to tell our parents just dared to tell me. I went to buy hydrogen peroxide and disinfected his hand desperately. He kept crying and said that it was painful. I said, “Of course, it hurts!” And still kept disinfecting his hand no matter what. This was the second time. The third time would be the saddest. It took his life at once. That time... everyone is not willing to think of this event. But... it’s the one event that will never be forgotten.

 

Lee Kuen-Lin should be regarded as a mild tempered person. He, hot blooded and also very warm type of man, boy. Although, God really only gave him just forty-four years of life. But I think he is alive and well. Life… This way... should be considered worth living. Actually... Lee Kuen-Lin is gone. I always think that life is really impermanent. We also really need to know how to live in the moment. Cherish all the lives of life with important people in your life.

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